Learning Outcome #1: Recursive Process
The first draft of this paper was relatively easy to form and made the rest of the writing process simpler. I was confident in the points I wanted to argue for social media but wasn’t sure how to tie it all together. I started off with a strong introduction that originally didn’t have a claim. In the final edit, my claim was clearly stated which set the alarming mood of the piece. The first body paragraph set up an understanding of my argument but the second and third were tricky. For the peer review, I didn’t really have any solid writing to review for these paragraphs but I did find quotes I knew I’d want to build off of. This was definitely helpful to have smaller notes so I could visually plan out the section and how it would read on paper. For example, I wanted to use neuroscientist, Michael Merzenich’s research findings from “Does the Internet Make You Dumber?” to explain how our brains have developed around our technology. In turn, I copied the quote, and some context and wrote down bullet points that I tied together in the final piece. It’s also noticeable that I actively worked to avoid run-on and confusing sentences as seen in the first paragraph. I felt like there was extra, unimportant information that changed the flow of the writing which I’m glad I edited out. Overall, I think this was my best revision to final product.
Learning Outcome #2: Integrating ideas
My thesis focuses on bringing awareness the to negative effects of the internet and its impact on society. I used articles like Sherry Turkle’s “The Empathy Diaries”, The Social Dilemma (2020), and Nicholas Carr’s “Does the Internet Make You Dumber?” I started by using The Social Dilemma (2020) to explain that we are the product when it comes to our phones. Our digital footprint is recorded and tracked by an algorithm that pushes media to your screen trying to keep you online for longer. For many internet users, especially the younger generations, the algorithm has been very successful because once the user is hooked, the screen time can only increase. Then in Carr’s article, I use a quote that talks about how our brains have been rewired, and the 70’s experiments showing how a monkey’s brain rearranged its nerves. Combined, this paragraph was used to show how our psychological needs have changed, not necessarily because we’ve become dumber but because we’ve adapted to media as it’s adapted to us. Finally, “The Empathy Diaries” were used to describe the impact of the internet on society and kids. While most teenagers can recognize and are aware of the repercussion of phone usage, this new generation of “IPad kids” don’t seem as concerned. But it’s noticeable that they get agitated from being away from a screen, possibly acting out as a result their emotional development is often stunted. These articles and the information provided overlapped to create a comprehensible argument of my claim.
Learning Outcome #5 and #6: Citations and Local Revisions
It was beneficial to have prior knowledge of how to cite the sources in text from previous English classes but I also used a bibliography source site to ensure the final citations. As for grammar and sentence structure, I worked on avoiding run-on sentences and the structure of my paragraphs. For example, in the final draft, I moved the analogy of the slot machine to the beginning of the first paragraph which allowed me to integrate a quote. From there I was able to move the explanation around which made the transition to the second paragraph flow. For comma usage and run-on sentences, I kept myself honest and looked for ways to break down the wording. There was a lot of information and explanation in this paper but I think I did a good job at revisions.
